


✗ Denial ✗

by CheshireCatLife



Category: The Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Broken Promises, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Canon Gay Relationship, Complicated Relationships, Developing Relationship, Dysfunctional Relationships, Established Relationship, Exes, Falling In Love, Family Drama, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Fights, Fist Fights, Forbidden Love, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Incest, Inspired by The Vampire Diaries, Love, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, M/M, No Smut, Past Relationship(s), Promises, Romance, Running Away, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Suicidal Thoughts, Unconventional Relationship, Unhealthy Relationships, Vampires, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 08:30:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9713447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheshireCatLife/pseuds/CheshireCatLife
Summary: ✗ ''i love you......no you don't,,Stefan and Damon have suppressed their feelings for each other for too long, They don't realise that love is a funny thing, lines are blurred together and it's hard to tell one from the other. But, for Damon and Stefan, they've crossed the line they were never supposed to cross and it has left them in a position neither can deal with...but they will- together. ✗





	1. Chapter 1

* * *

**Denial**

_A Stamon Short Story_

_All Copyright Goes To The Creator Of The Vampire Diaries_

* * *

 

**1.**

The Fallen

 

Stefan’s eyes were drawn to the fireplace, watching the dancing flames with tears in his eyes. Elena had finally given up. The inevitable had happened and Elena had just given up. Given up on them, their future, their life. For what, anyway? So she could fall in love with her self-proclaimed boyfriend. Damon didn’t even care, he never had. He was violent, obtrusive, sarcastic...no, that wasn’t right. This was simply the anger. This was everything he had held dear being stripped from him.

That didn’t strip Damon of the blame, he was in it for the game- his kind, loving brother was just in it for the game. He had masked himself in evil and now he was letting it seep through. He had let jealousy rule his unsteady mind, leaving Stefan as good as dead behind him.

Stefan lacked knowledge of Damon’s thoughts, though. He couldn’t pinpoint the reason he had chosen to pursue Elena, he couldn’t think of any reason that was comprehensible apart from just that. Jealousy. But jealousy of what? Love? If he wanted love, he couldn’t force it- even Damon wasn’t naive enough to believe that.

Damon was in denial, that was it. Denial that he was in love with someone else. Yes, that made sense did it not? He was blind not to know his own feelings yet it happened so often that he couldn’t even be put at fault for it.

Stefan was different, though. He was frighteningly different. Because, he knew his feelings yet, still, he pushed them away. Pushed them away because he knew it would only cause him pain. It was all too foreign to him, yet, he knew what it was. He had felt this before, he’d seen that glimmer of it with Elena.

Yet, so like Damon, he was in denial of one thing: the nature of these feelings. Brotherly love, he told himself, brotherly love that he had promised him all those years ago. That promise he held himself to was all that stopped him from pursuing the man that was right before him- the man he proclaimed his brother.

He knew, despite his mind’s objections, that the yearning he felt contradiction his own thoughts in every way. The draw of his brother, if that was what he would even let himself call him, was so much more than the draw of a brother. As was the draw to his lips, and the draw to touch.

He knew it was wrong.

That was his most simplistic explanation for tucking these feelings away. Societies view on them would be all too harsh, harsher than it was for all they were- vampire, cruel ones at times. What Stefan felt, what Damon felt, was against the norm. He already felt so filthy for loving another man, he had been raised in the eighteenth century after all. And now this? This that was not so much better than that. But, what was to say that was wrong at all? Everything about him was wrong, his true nature was wrong. But his brother...now that was a new feat. A feat he was afraid to reach for.

None of it stopped Stefan as his legs forced him to stand and stumble up the angular stairs, towards the room that he knew would at least bring some calm. The tears cleared as quickly as they came as he blinked them away, finding it hard to see behind his blurred vision. He knew he shouldn’t have cried in the first place, not for Elena. No matter how much he loved or hated her, there was no point in crying for her. She had moved on, even if it was such an idiotic transition, and there was no point dwelling. They had fallen out of love and carrying on their relationship would only be a lie.

When he found himself in his brother’s room, he was not surprised. Somehow, through his delirium, he had known the place he would end up. It was the one place that was so forbidden that he was drawn to it- just like his love. It was ironic that such room’s occupant was also the man he had fallen for.

He placed his hand gently on the door, pushing it open with ease, revealing a rather too luxurious bedroom. It wasn’t as if he had not seen this before but it seemed foreign as he looked at the empty room. It must have gone unused for days. No doubt as Damon followed Elena around like a puppy being dragged along by its leash. He knew as soon as he entered the room that he had made the wrong decision but he still did not want to turn back, even if he would have to deal with the consequences. He could only hope that Damon would not return, just as he had done for the last few days.

With a content smile on his lips, he let himself fall onto the doughy mattress. Damon’s smell attacked his senses but he ignored the rather pleasing odour and let himself relax. Let his mind relax, the thoughts drifting away from him.

Brotherly love, he told himself once again. Although, the more he thought about it, the more he craved any sort of love at all. It had been decades since he and his brother had confided in each other. Maybe even so far back as when they were human was the last time. Stefan could make no recollection of any time more recently.

Thankfully, his mellow mood didn’t bring all sadness. Despite his wistfulness towards his brother’s lack of presence, he could say he was glad to find himself free. Free of the burden of caring for another. Free of the burden of forced smiles. Free of the burden of withholding tears.

Elena was lovely, she always had been but that didn’t stop the burden she put on the shoulders. Just as it didn’t stop the burden that he must have put on hers- she had fallen in love with a vampire, after all. After their epic love had failed, crashed and burned, that burden was put onto another’s shoulders- Damon’s shoulders.

His lifestyle didn’t accommodate that. He thrived on freedom. He thrived on the feeling of running at tremendous speeds or the trickery he could play on minds. He thrived off being a vampire. And, Elena would never let him be a true vampire; Elena would never let him be himself. His feverish bloodlust ruled him and was rarely diminished. So many said that Elena changed him, all Stefan could see was him breaking behind his facade. Cracking as the weight of Elena pushed him down.

With Elena came her troubles, her worries, her problems. It was a mystery to whether Damon could even cope with that. Stefan felt pained to even think of his brother in that state. What he loved about his brother was that freedom. Although it had caused such problems, it had also brought a smile to his brother’s face, sometimes even his.

Before he could register what had happened, his face went lax and all tension flooded from him. He had fallen asleep- on his brother’s bed: devoid of excuses for when...if his brother came home.

 

* * *

 

 

Damon swirled the liquid in his glass, downing yet another drink to follow the few he had to begin the evening. He watched as Elena reluctantly left to go to the bathroom, peering back at Damon whenever she could. She wasn’t desperate, Damon continuously told himself, she was simply worried about him- or maybe the people around him. She had wanted Damon to change for so long and now that he had claimed that he finally had, it was as if she didn’t believe him.

True, that was probably for the best. He was still in a state and he often struggled to control those deep-rooted vampire instincts; it already felt as if he had suppressed them for far too long.

And, he knew it wouldn’t be long until he gave in. In fact, it would be instantaneous. He slyly smirked from behind his glass, still swirling it in synchronisation with his thoughts. ‘Bartender!’ His voice rang out cheerfully, that darkness seeping off his tongue, the atmosphere shifting from light to heavy in seconds.

‘Yes?’ The bartender furrowed her brows, trying to ignore the knot in her stomach as she stared down at the raven haired man. Damon didn’t move an inch, except for his eyes. His eyes so carefully moved to meet the girl’s. He stared, his smile still cheerful yet his aura so dark. ‘How about a little blood from that pretty little wrist of yours for my next drink?’ She nodded, complying before she even had a chance to consider. He had forced her to inflict pain upon himself and he found himself not caring. The usual Damon, so guiltless.

Then, before the bartender could subtly slit her wrist under the bar, a shrill voice broke through the air. ‘Damon!’ She shrieked, catching the attention of almost everyone around them. Gaining at least fourteen glares and another five outright stares, Damon counted. Damon sighed, ignoring those around him, and looked back to the girl who only seconds ago had been screaming at him. Oops, he thought, caught red handed.

‘How could you! I told you that was off limits! Stop her, right now!’ She ordered, pointing to the bartender, whose blood was still spilling into a wine glass. Damon sighed once more and stopped the poor woman before pulling the memories out of her mind and trudging behind a fuming Elena.

Damon should have known this would happen. Elena was still human and no human could accept the true reality of vampirism. Vampirism meant lust- not just in the typical sense. It meant a lust for blood, a lust for life. Maybe it was just a synonym for selfishness.

Damon had to resist the urge to rip out her throat right there as he wished to explain himself. He simply wanted to tell her what he was and that wasn’t going to change yet there was no going back. He had already promised change and maybe that would just mean he had to. He had always wanted to change anyway, hadn’t he? Maybe not. That guilt that still lingered in the back of his mind was nothing in comparison to the joy of satisfaction as the blood slipped past his fangs.

He excused himself quickly, ‘I’m going back to the boarding house tonight.’ He gritted his teeth, he had said that far too harshly- unfairly so. Before he could register her shock, he began to stalk off, his guilt already lost.

‘I’ll come with you!’ Elena shouted, panicked, quick footsteps coming out behind him. He halted, pushing his hands into his pockets and turning around. ‘Alone, Elena. I’m going alone.’ He spoke gently, calmly. He didn’t want to be rude to Elena. He still wanted this to work- despite his reasoning to do so was so stupid.

Yes, he was forcing love. He was forcing the permanent and he knew it wouldn’t work but he felt if he could just muster those feelings that he had once felt with Katherine then maybe, just maybe, this could work out for him. Yet how did he overcome these outrageous bursts of anger? How did he stop the lust for blood in his throat? How did he stop being...him?

Leaving Elena in his wake, letting her run off to one of her friends to worry about him, he sped to the boarding house as inhumane speed. He hoped it was empty, he would rather a lack of company. He didn’t want to speak to Stefan, not now. He would only scratch the truth of him. He opened the door roughly, letting it clang against the wall- although, still not loud enough to wake Stefan from his slumber, and grumbled as he fell straight for the oldest and strongest bourbon he had to hand. He brought the bottle to his lips and chugged it quickly, the burn having little effect on his vampiric body. It took all too much to drown it all out, he wanted more but he knew it would only lead to regrets the next day. He still had enough sanity to know between right and wrong. He flinched as the clock struck loudly, indicating midnight had now reached, causing him to finally trudge up the stairs- looking forward to collapsing into his overly-expensive bed.

To say he was shocked when he walked into his room was an understatement. To see his brother in his bed with tear stained cheeks was enough to shock anyone, even some of the least susceptible candidates like Damon. He furrowed his brows and examined the man in front of him, cupping his cheek gently as he came closer to inspect the stains on his cheeks. Yes, definitely tear stains. What had gotten into his brother? What had caused him to get into such a state? Stefan didn’t stir nor move, he lay calmly asleep oblivious to all actions happening around him.

Damon felt himself drawing closer to his brother, pity boiling deeply in his stomach. Yet, he found it usual, the familiarity calming. What he had felt for his brother had been buried beneath his skin for centuries but he always knew it was there. But, he knew the promise would not be broken and so he buried all his dreams of anything more. Still, as he found himself lying behind his brother, his eyes catching the gleam of the tears still left in the corners of his eyes. He wiped them away gently, still careful not to wake his brother and he felt the calm wash over him as he saw his brother so peaceful- no matter how melancholy.

He soon fell asleep too, his eyes still facing his brother’s, a foreign yet familiar feeling still in his stomach.


	2. Chapter 2

**2.**

The Scattered

 

Damon was woken by nothing, it seemed, as he scanned the room for the source. It was still dark outside meaning he had slept no more than an hour or two, the moon still high in the sky. He wondered whether it was the consequence of a dream or a nightmare that his thoughts had forced consciousness upon him but he soon gave up his train of thought, he was awake now and he knew he wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon.

Stefan lay beside him, breathing gently, so close to snoring but managing to still seem vaguely attractive as his mouth hung open. ‘Damon.’ He mumbled, his voice caught mostly by the pillow half his face was stuffed into. It seemed he was oblivious as Damon stared at him, his eyes boring into his back. ‘Stefan?’ Damon whispered, gently coaxing his brother out of sleep by placing a slim hand on his shoulder and shaking gently. Although, it didn’t seem to be working. Stefan, if anything, seemed to fall deeper into sleep. Damon groaned, he didn’t think he could control his patience anymore. He had so many questions and he wanted answers, now.

‘Stefan.’ Damon hissed again, in hopes that a second attempt could coax his brother back into consciousness. Damon pouted as Stefan continued to make no indication of waking up. ‘Brother!’ He hissed, his tolerance for his brother coming to a halt rather quickly. Stefan, still, did not wake up.

Damon folded his arms, his frown increasing as he had a childish tantrum silently next to his sleeping brother. His angered patience lasted all of five seconds before his anger rushed back to him. ‘Brother!’ He hissed, punching his brother lightly on the shoulder- trying, at least, not to inflict any physical trauma to the man.

After another five minutes of waiting, his patience was long gone. The little thread of it left had been cut and his temper had flared drastically. Damon, in his moment of impatience, knew there was only one move left to make. Well, apart from the obvious, leaving him the hell alone. Damon didn’t even consider it, in fact, he laughed at it- he was all too curious as to why his brother was in his bed. He wasn’t going to give up now.

So, Damon hit him.

Not a gentle hit, not a punch even. A hit worthy of Klaus himself. Forceful and undoubtedly going to leave a mark, even on a vampire. Stefan shot up, clutching at his injured shoulder, his eyes landing on Damon. ‘Damon?!’ He breathed, shocked. His thoughts were running a mile a minute, Damon was back, hit him first, the breath flying from his lungs. Then, was the fact that he had just been punched with ridiculous force, which was now aching agonisingly. Third, was his brother’s smile. Smile? It seemed so out of place in the situation, only furthering Stefan’s fears.

‘Hello, brother.’ Damon smirked, his defence mechanism set in place, his sarcasm first and foremost. Stefan could see past it though, he could see the burning curiosity. Stefan knew it would not be quelled without answers, ones that he would not give willingly.

Damon watched Stefan examine him, oblivious to the tremble in his brother’s body as he panicked, going through each and every scenario possible. ‘I thought you would be with Elena.’ Stefan’s voice shook, he was losing control of his own body- and quickly. He looked down ashamed, suddenly avoiding his brother’s gaze. He had been caught in the act and although he didn’t fear Damon’s immediate reaction, he was not ready to be questioned on things he could not answer.

‘Well, clearly, I’m not.’ Damon smirked, unable to think of any other answer to the almost cryptic question. It gave him one answer, at least. Stefan was definitely _not_ expecting Damon to return. Now, for the rest of those answers. Stefan didn’t speak again, leaving it up to Damon to scavenge for the answers. Stefan sighed, fiddling with his fingers, trying to block out his situation. Anything was better than dwelling at this point.

‘Why don’t we go downstairs?’ Damon suggested, the forceful tone behind it suggesting that it was more a demand than a question. He held his hand out for his brother to take, which he graciously did, and clasped their hands together before dragging Stefan from the bed. Their hands stayed intertwined for just seconds too long before Stefan pulled his hand away dramatically, a look of fake disgust plastered on his face to cover the heavy feeling of shame on his shoulders. He bowed his head and avoided looking at Damon as he led him down the winding staircase and into the parlour where Damon poured himself and Stefan a glass of bourbon if only just to clear their minds of worry.

‘Where’s Elena?’ Stefan asked, taking a sip (a rather large one) from his glass whilst trying to grasp for conversation, the tension hanging heavy between them. Damon just spat out ‘probably coming soon’ before silence fell again. It was clear the Damon was not in the mood to talk about his new girlfriend but nor was Stefan in the mood to talk as to why his brother had found him in his bed the night before.

Stefan sighed, though, this conversation was inevitable. He took an even larger chug from his glass, trying to numb his worry before he began to speak. It didn’t seem the drink had much effect though as his strong facade quickly cracked as soon as he opened his mouth. ‘Damon…’ Stefan’s voice had already lost all prowess it was supposed to possess. ‘I’m sorry...about last night. It’s just...more comfortable, yeah. I hate mine.’ Stefan, at this point, was persuading himself more than he was Damon, who was now staring at him in utter disbelief; such a pitiful excuse so badly executed, it was almost painful.

Damon took a few steps over to his brother, looking down at him patronisingly before he spoke. ‘You were...in _my_ bed...because it’s more comfortable than yours?’ Damon reiterated, a smug look forming on his face.

‘Yes.’ Stefan mumbled, unable to look up from the hardwood floor. His cheeks were heavily blushed and even his, now quite long, hair couldn’t cover it.

‘So you finally agree that my bedroom is better than yours?’ Damon spoke, a sadistic smile playing on his face. He was in this for the game. He was playing with his brother and Stefan couldn’t believe that he hadn’t noticed until now. Of course, Damon still wanted answers but it was clear enough that he wasn’t getting them anytime soon so he changed his mindset to one of a cat and mouse game.

Stefan sighed. It was true, he had continued to refuse that Damon’s room was any better than his. He didn’t want to admit to his quite obviously worse taste. But, it seemed he had been backed into a corner and if it meant that he didn’t have to talk about the incident that had just occurred, he would be happy to play along.

‘Yes.’ Stefan grumbled, glaring playfully at Damon.

‘Whoop, whoop!’ Damon hollered and began to gleefully pour himself another glass of bourbon, downing it quickly. ‘The great ripper Stefano agrees with his dear old brother!’ Damon chanted from the balcony, his vampire speed taking him up there before Stefan could even realise he had moved. Stefan couldn’t stop the quirk of his lips as he watched his brother. It was a gift to see his brother smile or laugh. It was so rare that Stefan couldn’t help but feel possessive at being the one to hear it. He wanted it to be him and _only_ him to hear that glorious laugh.

Damon looked down, suddenly more sombre than before. It seemed Stefan had spaced out for longer than he had anticipated and Damon was, once again, standing in front of him. ‘Stefan?’ Damon asked, unusually gentle.

‘Hmm?’ Stefan glanced up, breaking from his reverie.

‘You got lost in that brooding mind of yours again.’ Damon laughed, playfully tapping Stefan’s forehead. Stefan smiled back timidly, suddenly feeling much closer to Damon than he was before- their faces now only inches apart. Their eyes locked and suddenly the unimaginable was happening. They both wanted to, they were both thinking it. One sweep and all of this would be over. They both wanted to so desperately but they knew they couldn’t- it was wrong, wasn’t it? Their self-control was breaking, both wanted to grab the other’s collar and pull them closer. They didn’t, for fear that the other didn’t want to. How they were so blind to the other’s feelings was incredulous. Despite their thoughts, they were still gravitating closer, their self-control almost broken, their noses almost touching.

Knock, a loud one. They turned around. The door? Elena. Great timing.

Damon growled, the moment quickly broken. ‘Coming!’ Damon called, the edge of annoyance clear in his voice. Damon scoffed before pulling away from Stefan, their proximity still small, and went to open the door, leaving Stefan wide-eyed and shocked. He had almost kissed Damon. Kissed him. He shook his head, clearing his face of emotion as he heard the door creak open and trudged to his usual place on the sofa and began to watch the roaring fire again, throwing a log to keep it alight.

Damon led Elena inside and up the stairs, clearly to his room to do whatever they usually did. The thought made Stefan gag, he didn’t want to think about it. He used that such common facade and pretended not to care as Damon gave him one last glance- one he couldn’t quite decipher. He felt his insides crumbling. Damon had stripped down his walls all too quickly and it seemed that the walls he built around himself were so hastily built that it would only take a push to knock them down again. Damon made him feel exhilarated. They played a fun game, it was dangerous, though- too dangerous.

Stefan leant back, burying himself into the sofa, wishing to be swallowed whole. He reached over to grab his glass of bourbon back into his hand but dropped his hand away. Even moving felt strenuous. His mental capacity had been filled and his body now deemed itself useless.

He stared at the wall for an hour after that, blankly staring at nothing. His thoughts whirled and never stayed, he sorted out nothing. It was pointless. So, with so much still on his mind, he made his way out of the parlour and up the stairs, into his room. He shut the door noisily behind him, getting rid of a fraction of his anger. He breathed heavily. He had to do something, _anything_ , to distract himself from all this.

Even with his daylight ring, the room felt all too bright. It shined off his skin as if it wanted to burn him, to hurt him- just like everything else in his life. His fists clenched tightly around the curtains, aggressively pulling them shut. He liked them shut, it protected him, just like his walls did. Because without his walls, he was the ripper- he was the thing he hated most.

 

* * *

 

Love is a word the encompasses so many emotions. There’s joy, happiness, exuberance, all so commonly connotated with love. Yet, there’s the other side. There’s the hate, the torment, the fear, the jealousy, the sadness. The list so much longer than the other. Making one ask, why love in the first place? People spit it out as if it means nothing. Most don’t mean it, others use it too easily.

Stefan in his centuries of living had definitely felt what most call love. He had fallen and had his heart broken too many times to count. Yet, what he had felt, never came to his standards. What he felt was other people’s definition of love- not his own. He had said I love you so carelessly before and over the years, he said it less and less to the point where he no longer wanted to speak those words at all.

His soul was no better than shattered. His love had died. All that was left was an empty shell of a man. In other terms, a vampire. He had become what he was. He had accepted it. Yet, why did he still refuse to drink blood? Why was he still hanging onto that thread of humanity when it was clear that he had no ounce of emotion left in him.

Unless he did. He had those emotions hidden behind his walls and although no one saw it, it was there. They were there. He built those walls to protect his heart- a heart that could no longer take the damage but it was there. Although not beating, his heart was there- his essence was there.

Only love could fix his broken heart. Ironic, seeing as that was what broke it in the first place.

It wasn’t as if Stefan would ever find it, anyway. His hatred towards himself was all too strong. His thoughts were vindictive, self-hating, aimed at his already damaged heart. It no longer took someone else to break his heart- only himself.

The only thing that stopped his death was his selfishness. He was surely old enough to die. He had lived long enough. But, a fear of death held him back. But, a fear of life pushed him forward. He was stuck in a paradox. He hated both life and death. There was no in between. He was simply a hater of nature itself.

Stefan found himself staring at a wall again, tracing the patterns of the floral wallpaper on the wall behind his bed, a soothing repetitiveness that at least caused some of his thoughts to retreat. He found himself blankly reaching for his diary and pen before he even had time to comprehend was his muscles were doing.

He stared down at it apprehensively. This must have been his fiftieth journal and one of the thousands of entries so why did it feel so impossibly important? It wasn’t as if it mattered if someone read them, plenty had- his dignity, his pride, had faded long ago. So why now was he afraid of the consequences of what he wrote in this diary? Stefan’s pen hit the paper and immediately he was beginning to scrawl on the page in that messy handwriting of his- anciently neat but nowadays nothing more than ink spilt on the page.

_For once in my life, I think I’m utterly and truly alone. Once, I had hope but it seems that has now diminished too. Once, I believed that maybe Katherine would return. Later, Damon. And most recently, Elena. Now, I feel they are all gone. It’s just me, now. And I’m still waiting for me to return. I’m no longer who I once was. I’m a shell of a man. Vampirism had once led my guilt. Now, it’s just myself._

_No one needs me. I’m pointless. Yet, I’m still too afraid to die. After centuries of living, I still can’t give that up._

_I can’t stand it. I’ve never coped with loneliness yet I’ve had to my entire life. But why is it hitting me so hard now? I had gone through life before with a smile, a hope for something better to come. Now all I find myself doing is withholding tears. I’ve been left with a broken heart that no one can fix. The one person I hold any emotion for is the one person I can’t have. Such a cliche._

_I want to flip the switch. I want to turn it off. I want to get rid of the guilt...but I’m too afraid to do that too. I will only fail them more. If I have any chance at redemption, I must live with the guilt. It still seems so tempting, though._

_I should just disappear. Become invisible. No one has ever cared for a rogue vampire. I could join them...because I’m done with trying._

_I’m done with everything._

Stefan stamped his pen onto the page, finishing it with a large splodge of ink that was meant to resemble a full stop before he slammed his diary shut, the dust particles choking him as they clouded his vision. He coughed loudly and stumbled off his chair, groaning. That had been on the shelf for too long.

Stefan ignored the small pain and dragged himself back down the stairs and into the outside world. The sun was rising, painting a variety of colour across the horizon. All Stefan could think of was how painful the sun was. How had he managed to stay in his room until morning? He didn’t get a wink of sleep. He must have looked a mess.

He leant back into the pillar just outside the front door and watched the sky as the sun rose, still wincing but managing to see a small ounce of beauty in it- calming him down minimally. He pushed himself off the wall and grumbled on his way to the car, making his way to The Grill for a nice, early-morning drink. Something at least to distract him from his miserable life.

He drove, still slightly tipsy from the night before and the lack of sleep, but managed to get to The Grill rather easily, pacing into the building and straight to the bar- ignoring everything and everyone. Including Elena and Damon who were both sitting there with a glass of water, their friends sitting opposite in the booth all too close to the bar.

Stefan still hadn’t noticed them when he called to some barman he had never seen before for a glass of bourbon. Why he hadn’t just done this at home, he didn’t know. The barman raised an eyebrow at him but Stefan shook him off impatiently and waited for his drink. It arrived quickly seeing as no one else was drinking at this time in the morning- Stefan couldn’t comprehend why the bar was even open but he didn’t complain as he began to sip from the glass, hastily getting through his drink and calling for another one.

Stefan turned, finally feeling eyes glued to his back and smiled at his ‘friends’ before taking another swig. None dared talk to him or approach him even as he called for another one. Except Damon whose eyes, on his third glass, shot up to his, meeting him in a match of wills- daring him to have another. Something in Stefan’s chest squeezed but he ignored the feeling and ordered another, and another, and another.

He didn’t want to care so he wouldn’t.

 

* * *

 

Damon left the bar with Elena at his side giving wary glances back at his drunken brother. Elena pulled him out before he could step inside where the rest of their friends were still sitting- all of them seemingly had forgotten about his brother who was drinking the bar dry.

The car ride was short, Elena driving as Damon stared out of the window- sacrificing the ability to be behind the wheel for thinking. He needed some time alone, he thought, as they pulled up at Elena’s house. But, it seemed, with Elena around, he wasn’t going to be alone for a while. Not unless he could escape. Although, he doubted he could do that without raising some concerns.

Damon trailed behind Elena who purposefully walked to the door, a flurry of brown hair flying behind her as the wind pushed the trees.

She unlocked the door carefully, calling out quietly to see who was home. It seemed, no one. They were alone- Damon cursed the world for it being so. He didn’t want to be alone. He needed someone to give him a chance to run. He didn’t want to be near the girl- he wanted to be near his brother. He needed to know what was wrong before it was too late. Something was on Stefan’s mind, something was _always_ on Stefan’s mind and Damon was determined to find out what it was.

Damon found himself in Elena’s room when his final thought fleeted him, leaving him feeling empty. ‘Elena, we need to talk.’ Damon stated blankly, staring at the cracked ceiling. He resisted the urge to gag as his senses picked up the brown liquid oozing out of the thin lines where the paint had split.

Elena looked over at Damon curiously, laying down on the bed, Damon following suit, giving him an obnoxiously clearer view of the ceiling. ‘What about?’ She asked, a small smile on her face. She didn’t suspect a thing. Unfortunately, for Damon, that only made him feel worse. Despite a lack of innocence- having lived a life full of violence and blood- she still seemed rather naive and was overtly not the best at reading people, despite what many thought. She always saw the best. An optimist, she was. An optimist and a vampire. Damon could almost see the word ‘dead’ written in blood in his mind.

Damon sighed, burying his face in his hands. He didn’t have the courage, did he? He was an insecure coward who couldn’t bear to break a girl’s heart. All he had to do was say they were better of friends. That would work, right? No, it wouldn’t. He sighed. It was enemies or lovers now. He had no out- that would be too easy, wouldn’t it?

He groaned, drawing an odd look from Elena- which he ignored without a care. He knew this wasn’t hard for fear of breaking her heart. The truth of it all made it all the worse. He wanted to leave her for his brother.

His brother.

Brother…

Damon cringed, the word sounding wrong on his tongue. Even in his blinded perception of his love for his brother being purely platonic, he knew he was leaving Elena to be closer to his brother. He would rather be with his brother and single than with Elena and parted from him. The reason, he refused to accept. You don’t fall in love with your brother. Even after centuries. That just didn’t happen. But it had. How? Damon didn’t want to know.

He didn’t want to believe it at all.

Damon cringed at his thoughts. He was disgusting, wasn’t he? He opened his mouth to speak again, Elena sitting up in anticipation but he just closed it again. He couldn’t find the words he wanted. Or any words at all for that matter. He was stuck in the limbo of his mind- a paradox of thoughts.

‘What do you think of us, Elena?’ He asked, looking up at her as he lay as comfortably as he could on her, unfortunately, rock-hard mattress. He was being a coward and he knew it as Elena looked back at him, confusion evident in her eyes. He was trying to make this breakup mutual. What was he thinking? Elena loved him, she wasn’t just going to end it because he suggested it.

‘Why, Damon?’ She asked, suspicion filling her voice, now much quieter than before. She was nervous, putting Damon on edge as his guilt boiled.

 look in her eye.

‘You don’t want me, do you?’ She asked, her eyes brimming with tears. Damon panicked. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t let her cry because of his selfish love for his brother. His _brother._ But, he couldn’t let her love a monster like him. A disgusting, traitorous monster. He had to end it but not like this. He couldn’t do it like this- he wouldn’t do it like this.

He sat up, his eyes wide, and pulled her into his chest. ‘Of course, I want you, Elena. Don’t ever doubt that.’ He lied, clenching his teeth to stop himself from crying. This was too painful. He was showing his weaknesses. He could murder a man without mercy, why now did his mind decide to break? ‘I just…’ he searched for a lie, anything to help him. ‘Something’s wrong with Stefan and...I think we’re the ones that caused it.’ It was the truth. Damon knew that he and Elena were hurting his brother by being together. Although Damon had the reasoning behind that all wrong, Damon knew he was upsetting his brother. Staying in the relationship suddenly seemed all the more difficult.

‘You’re worrying about Stefan now? What changed?’ She asked, it wasn’t vindictive nor was it cruel- she didn’t mean it like that- it was pure curiosity. Yes, everyone saw Damon as a monster. Most thought he hated his brother. It was what he had made them think. His first impressions when he had landed in Mystic Falls made the assumptions all the more likely.

‘Elena, he’s my brother and...he hasn’t just been off lately. You know him, he broods. This is something else. Something is wrong and I need to help him. Bloody hell, by now he’s probably drunk himself to death and it’s only midday! I can’t see him like that. We are finally on good terms and I want to keep it like that. I can’t if I find my brother dead.’ Damon let his thoughts flood out in waves. He had no restraint anymore. He was almost as broken as his brother.

‘I know, Damon, I know.’ She reassured, hushing his raised voice. He really was broken.

‘I don’t know what to do. Stefan is good at hiding his true emotions. He lets the pain show but he never tells me the bloody reason.’ Another hush from Elena, Damon was getting carried away but he continued on anyway. ‘I mean you did leave him for me. He must hate me...or you. I don’t know anymore!’ Damon clenched his fists. He wanted to punch something. As if a physical release of his pain would work. Punching would do nothing except hurt Elena. Damon let Elena lean on his shoulder, taking his hand and rubbing gentle circles on the back of it with her thumb. It let him relax, if only just slightly but it was better than nothing. He felt like a failure. He couldn’t dump a girl- despite heartbreaker practically being his work. He couldn’t admit to his feelings. He couldn’t manage to feel a thing for Elena. He couldn’t do anything right. He really was a failure.

‘Elena!’ A squeaky voice echoed. Caroline. Damon sighed and stood up, brushing Elena’s hand away as she reached for him.

‘Don’t go.’ Elena pouted as both of them listening to the loud clack of heels on the wooden staircase just outside Elena’s room.

‘No, you need to have a day with the girls. You shouldn’t be dragged into this.’ He smiled weakly. He saw her as a friend no matter what and was in no place to be rude to her and storm out without reason. And although he was glad her friends had finally arrived, he would never say it to her face.

‘Bye, Elena.’ He whispered, giving her a signature salute before walking out, passing Caroline and Bonnie without a word. Once outside, he took a deep breath and allowed himself to relax before shoving himself in his car. He revved the engine and sped off back to the boarding house, the familiarity of the car bringing a peaceful atmosphere- one he was extremely thankful for.

When Damon pulled up, he was nervous. He couldn’t be sure whether Stefan was even home. It was still around midday and for all he knew, Stefan could still be drinking his life away. Damon got out of the car, pushing the door closed gently and walked into the silent house.

‘Stefan?’ He called out, hoping desperately for an answer. Damon got no reply apart from a quiet shuffle and the sound of a door being closed carefully. If Stefan was trying to hide his presence, he wasn’t doing very well in doing so.

‘Stefan! Come down! We need to talk!’ He called out again, hearing the quiet shutting of a door once again, followed by more muffled footsteps- each one louder than the last. As soon as Damon could hear them clearly, they stopped. Stefan had stopped. Damon’s brows furrowed. Was Stefan afraid of him or something? Well, maybe he was. Damon didn’t know anymore.

‘Stefan, come down.’ Damon sighed, a twinge of desperation evident in his voice. Only then did Stefan emerge from his hidden place at the top of the stairs. Stefan stopped again, now visible but still intentionally silent.

‘Come on, Stefan. I know you don’t want to be we need to talk.’ Stefan nodded and came a few steps closer

‘About what?’ He asked monotonously. Damon gritted his teeth. He wanted to slap Stefan in that moment. He was using his ripper's voice. The voice of a man with no hope, with no care. A vampire with no soul. A true vampire. Something Stefan was not.

‘Stefan, did you?’ He asked warily, his sentence trailing off at the end.

‘No, I didn’t. I don’t want that.’ Stefan sighed, pursing his lips, his voice still blank. He knew what Damon meant and Damon knew to believe Stefan. If Stefan had, he would tell him bluntly. That didn’t change anything, though. Something was wrong with Stefan and Damon wanted, no, _needed_ to fix it. But, Damon almost couldn’t bring himself to do so because he didn’t want to do it as a brother- he wanted to do it as something more.

_Disgusting._

 

* * *

 

Stefan and Damon stood opposite each other, both stuck in a silent stand-off. Both were too stubborn to break the silence, to be the first to break. It was Damon who spoke first, never breaking eye-contact, showing no sign of loss. He wanted to know if his brother was okay and that was it.

He couldn’t lose his brother to evil, not again. ‘Stefan, somethings wrong.’ He stated no more, searching his eyes for his answer, ignoring the lies that he would spit out.

‘Nothing.’ Damon laughed under his breath and approached Stefan.

‘Something’s wrong; that much is clear.’ Stefan took a step back, Damon was too close, close enough for Stefan to lose his control.

Damon was just that bit too close and Stefan…Stefan knew what he was about to do. He broke. A tear rolled down his face. Stefan made no attempt to hide it, he held the eye contact, he wanted his brother to see him like this. He wanted pity. Stefan was vain and he wanted his brother’s attention, he had become desperate. No matter how much he pretended not to care, he did care.

‘Nothing in life has ever gone right for me, has it?’ Stefan asked, another tear leaking from his eye. Damon approached once again, pity lining his face. Soon enough, there was no gap between them and Damon’s arms were wrapped strongly around Stefan’s waist, comforting him with no words.

‘Not everything has gone wrong, I assure you of that.’ Damon murmured, turning his face to watch Stefan’s face. Beautiful. He could only describe it as beautiful, he sighed and got lost in his own thoughts- trying unsuccessfully to ignore his feelings.

They both knew that it was unavoidable to hide from each other but as long as they both tried, they could hold it back until they were both ready- if that day was even possible. Without realising, Stefan shook him from his thoughts by pulling his face in front of his. His tears were dry and he had a smile on his face.

‘I want you more that I can admit.’ Stefan murmured, causing Damon’s attention to focus solely on slowly. This was all too quick, he hadn’t realised Stefan was ready. Had Damon misread the situation this much? That’s when he realised that Stefan wasn’t ready, this was a distraction. He wanted to ignore his tears, his pain and just comply to his instincts.

Damon wanted the same. But, he couldn’t. Not yet. ‘No.’ Damon whispered, saying no more. Bringing his lips closer and closer, touching them on the corner of his lips. A kiss on the cheek, that’s all Stefan got. That was enough to prove that there was something, enough to prove that they both wanted this, enough for them to pause and step back into reality. A reality in which this is wrong.

A lot of things can be called wrong. You could get an answer wrong, for example, or maybe you do something that wasn’t correct and that would be called wrong. There is a different type of wrong, though, and that can only be described as something that society does not accept.

When someone cannot comprehend something, they call it wrong as if it were simply a question in need of an answer. In fact, humans were more complicated than that and there are plenty of reasons that say many things are not wrong. That doesn’t make them right nor does that make them wrong.

There is a middle ground to everything, the world isn’t black and white. Damon and Stefan loved each other, this wasn’t just a love between siblings, it was something more. This was unacceptable to society…but so was being a vampire and they were still vampires, weren’t they? Aren’t they already wrong enough? What was to stop them? Human laws?

Both would laugh in the face of a human so what was so wrong with breaking their rules? Nothing. For them, nothing.

Despite their close proximity, the brother’s went no further. Damon simply held his hand out, letting Stefan take it in his own time. ‘This is all too quick.’ Damon murmured. ‘Since when have I even cared.’ He muttered again, his lips quirking up undetectably. Damon had a vice grip on Stefan’s hand as he led him to his bedroom.

‘I’m not ready to be with you, Stefan. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. You never told me what was wrong but I can only assume that I am to blame. I’m sorry.’ It was true, Stefan blamed Damon. For what? Even Stefan didn’t know. Stefan, though often selfless, liked to pin the blame on others yet only blame himself aloud. In his mind, he wished that it was others that made his messes, not himself.

Stefan’s mind wasn’t anything like what he said aloud. Stefan was hidden behind an opaque curtain and only showed what he wanted to show. But, to Damon, that curtain was transparent and Stefan was as clear as day.

Damon pretended to not care about Stefan much of the time but that meant nothing. That was a façade that Damon no longer had the energy to keep. Letting go of his hand, Damon wrapped his arms around Stefan’s waist again. ‘I’m sorry.’ He repeated. Damon silently walked to the bed, motioning for Stefan to follow. Stefan complied without hesitation and followed him to the bed, kicking off his shoes.

They lay on the bed together, their hands linked together once again. They didn’t care that this was wrong. Their internal battles, for just those moments, were won and they both knew that they wanted this and there was nothing that could stop them.

Except for tomorrow. There was always tomorrow. Time can change everything, including someone’s take on a situation.

Tomorrow could change everything.

Everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**3.**

The Peace

 

Stefan woke up to a blinding halo of light surrounding a blurred silhouette, barely visible even with his vampiric eyesight. He sat against the headrest, stretching out his arms when the silhouette moved, revealing his face.

Damon.

Stefan should have known as he thought back to the previous night. He had failed, again. He hadn’t been able to resist Damon despite going nowhere with him but end up in the same bed, all clothes still on.

‘Stefan, it’s early.’ Damon grumbled, his eyes blurry as sleep tried to keep its clutches on him. ‘Go back to sleep.’ Damon groaned, slamming his face back into the pillow.

‘No, we need to talk.’ Stefan ordered, making his way out of the comfort of Damon’s bed, wishing that it was his own bed for how comfortable he had felt in it.

‘Stefan, it’s too early to talk.’ Damon grumbled again, rolling over to meet Stefan’s gaze. ‘What time is it anyway?’ Stefan shrugged and made his way to the doorway.

‘I’m going to get changed, you better be up when I get back, Damon. We need to talk.’ Damon nodded in agreement albeit reluctantly. Stefan swiftly left the room, making his way to his own. Damon, on the other hand, didn’t move an inch as he heard Stefan’s fading footsteps.

He groaned again, rapidly blinking to focus his vision. The sunlight was beating down on him hard despite him being inside, his vampire skin still painfully delicate under light even with his ring on.

He brought his hand above his face and looked at his ring as if to check it was still there, as he did every morning. The blue of the stone reflected the light onto the ceiling creating a delicate blue wash across the room.

Damon sighed, focusing on the dancing light above him before finally drawing himself back into the real world. He felt in a daze as if to draw his mind from what happened the night before. Wrong. Again, that word rang around his mind, circling back to the front of his thought process.

Damon hurried out of bed, trying to busy his mind of the subject at hand. He stripped himself down before grabbing hold of a black shirt and trousers, pulling them on at a speed almost unachievable by humans.

He just wanted his mind to stop thinking for a moment. Like that moment when he had just woken up and all he could think about was the warmth of the comforter around him. Stefan found himself back in Damon’s room as soon as Damon was about to leave. ‘Parlour?’ Stefan asked, not ready to speak anymore. Damon nodded and followed Stefan down the stairs and into the overly sized lounge.

Damon fell back onto one of the pretentiously expensive couches whilst Stefan paced around the room, sliding his foot against the wood letting the shuffling be the only noise in the room.

‘What are we, Damon?’ Stefan asked, contemplating it all himself, just as Damon was. Damon shrugged, not coming up with a reasonable answer.

‘Brothers, as ever.’ Damon spoke up after another minute of silence. Stefan sighed at the simplicity of the answer.

‘That was not what I was asking.’ He muttered, pacing faster around the large space.

‘I know, Stefan. But, neither of us knows, do we?’

‘That’s why I’m asking you!’ Stefan shouting, making Damon flinch back. He kept a calm façade on his face, trying not to torment his brother anymore.

‘I don’t want to argue, Stefan! But, if neither of know, then how can I answer!’ He sounded pleading and desperate, willing Stefan to calm down. He did but his breath was still ragged and uneven.

‘I just don’t know what to do.’ He cried out, kicking the chair, satisfied at the crunch he caused. Damon stood up and approached him.

‘We both know our feelings are more than we let on. But, we both know that’s wrong. If it’s any consolation, I’m trying to end things with Elena. I’m sorry that I stole her from you but it seems now, neither of us will have her. Unless she comes back grovelling to you, which is most likely.’ Damon sighed and placed a reassuring hand on Stefan's shoulder to which he immediately relaxed.

‘I don’t mind that you took Elena, I only loved her as much as I could love any friend.’ Stefan found Damon’s eyes again. They both looked so desperate but neither made a move and took a step back as soon as the doorbell rang.

Their heads turned in an eerie unison before Damon walked to the door, flinging it open, trying to vent some of his leftover emotions. Behind the door stood Elena, her eyes awkwardly moving between the two boys.

‘I’m sorry to interrupt but I had something to tell you, Damon. And you too, Stefan.’ Both vampires nodded and gestured for Elena to come in. She looked wary but came in any way, seemingly nervous around the two vampires who had obvious lack of control over themselves in that moment.

‘Caroline told me about a ball on the weekend and I wondered if you wanted to come with me, Damon.’ She stated, smiling, her confidence increasing as the vampire’s ragged breaths became regular and calm. Damon nodded ‘I’ll come,’ he said no more, practically dismissing Elena. He wasn’t in the mood right now. Despite trying to let her down gently, he couldn’t deal with her right now.

Stefan on the other hand, was still rather angry, even though Elena hadn’t picked it up. He hated that Damon wasn’t just going with Elena but the fact that he couldn’t go with him. I mean, they could go as brothers but nothing more. Stefan hated the feeling of rejection he was getting at something that neither he or Damon had any control over.

Stefan kept to himself, though, and didn’t say anything before making his way upstairs, leaving Damon and Elena along. Damon wanted to beg him not to leave but wouldn’t ruin his pride or do that to Elena. It seemed all Damon was trying to do lately was please others. His careless façade was breaking down, piece by piece.

Neither stopped the other. They both wanted to dismiss their feelings, no matter how hard that was. It was for the best to leave each other alone and ignore the hole in their hearts. They had done it for a hundred years at one point, had they not? Shouldn’t it be easy?

No…because nothing was ever easy for them.

 

* * *

Damon’s wrapped around Elena’s waist from behind. They stared into the mirror, Damon’s face blank whilst Elena made up for the lack of emotion with a beaming smile. Damon felt like he was withering into nothing whilst this kept on going.

Damon had no bravery to break up with Elena but he was desperate; desperate men could do anything. But, he wasn’t cruel enough to do it before the ball and would wait until one of the following days to break up and then it was time to solve things with Stefan.

Damon felt his heart clench at the mention of his brother and those very feelings sent a smile to his face but pain to his eyes. Elena, oblivious to his thoughts, smiled at him, glad to see that he had put a smile on his face again.

Elena broke away and clasped the necklace that now hung around her neck. Damon had given it to her as a present, a goodbye present, she didn’t know that- not yet. Damon took off his tie, giving no explanation to Elena as why. It was simply uncomfortable and that was reason enough.

It was a statement, too, he didn’t want to look like he cared, he didn’t. This marked the end of a crushing relationship and whilst he wanted to celebrate, he did not feel that a ball was the place to do so. It wasn’t as if he could celebrate before he even did break her heart, anyway.

Stefan, on the other hand, was getting ready alone. He would meet Caroline outside; she wasn’t able to go with Tyler, for a reason she wouldn’t tell a soul, and Stefan would have to do. He stood in front of the mirror, his suit looking pristine- too pristine for his liking- and his hair set in a way that made him look neat but lazy. Like Damon, he didn’t care about this ball, he was going out of jealousy.

He would be able to get away with it, that much was clear. With his recent break-up with Elena, it would look as if he was staring at her and not his brother. That was how Stefan knew the night would go. He would stare without restraint as Caroline dragged him to dance, to which he would let her out of pity and then the night would end and nothing would change.

He was wrong, so very wrong.

That night would be so different to every other night. That night would bear something new, something forbidden.

Stefan only realised that when the doors of the ballroom opened, Caroline at his side, Damon and Elena following behind.

Caroline made small talk with Stefan as Elena chatted away to Damon, who was somewhere on the line between consciousness and unconsciousness. Stefan and Damon sighed at the same time before their eyes locked and a small smile twitched on their lips.

‘God, Stefan, I think that's the first time you've smiled all day!’ Caroline laughed, grabbing his arm and leading him to the bar where she ordered a wine for both of them.

‘Off topic, anyway. As I was saying…’ the gossip continued like a spiral that only seemed to loop back in on itself.

Stefan had lived for more than a century and never had he been so dulled. Maybe it was just the anticipation of what was to come but he didn't know that, he was no physic.

Life is a confusing thing and even after living so long, Stefan couldn't wrap his head around it. And right now, he couldn’t wrap his head around how Caroline had been talking for so long.

Damon and Elena had disappeared God knows where and Stefan was stuck listening to the, now drunk, Caroline.

Stefan didn’t mind for the most time that he had some background noise and someone to pretend to chat with whilst he looked around at the other guests but he was not prepared to drive Caroline home when she was stumbling and slurring her way around.

Stefan had brought his car with the knowledge that Caroline would become intoxicated at some point during the night but he would rather it didn’t happen. It was too late now, anyway, and Caroline could hardly walk in a straight line but Stefan couldn’t give even a glance in her direction to check he was okay as he decided to walk into the bustle of the Mystic Fall’s Ball, apparently in honour of the mayor’s birthday though Stefan couldn’t see the man.

Stefan scoured the party to find someone who was at least worthy of some of his time but couldn’t find a soul who he could make conversation with. The name that had been running through his mind all day was brought up but he shoved the thought down and continued looking for a candidate.

Another few minutes passed and seemed that Stefan would have to suffer in silence this time. He didn’t like to talk anyways but it would have been nice to have been able to talk to someone real rather than look at those fake smiles and big egos.

Stefan had seen enough of it in his time and he could feel his soul float away every time another man or woman told him the story of when they, or one of their family members, had killed a bear, a wolf or even, sometimes, a vampire.

He felt sick every time his species came up. He had become accustomed to plastering the smile on his face and tell them of his family’s past with vampires as if he were not one himself. They were all so naïve, unable to see one in front of their own eyes.

Stefan didn’t mind, of course, he would rather pretend he was not a vampire at all and he would be happy playing human if it were not for the ravenous hunger he felt. The thought of blood sent shivers to him and suddenly the people around him turned into a blood bank.

‘Not again, not again.’ He whispered, the voices around him closing him. He shut his eyes and clenched his fists, frantically wishing the thoughts away. The animal diet sufficed but he couldn’t help the urge of the ripper inside of him.

‘Stefan.’ A calm voice came, Damon’s. Stefan’s muscles relaxed a fraction as he opened his eyes to see Damon, alone. ‘Let’s get out of here. I know that look.’ It was true, Damon had seen it many times. He couldn’t help but fear the ripper inside of Stefan but he knew that when he saw it, it was time to go.

Damon led them around the mansion until he found a room that they could slip into and locked the door behind them. ‘Stefan, you need to calm down.’ Stefan nodded and leant his forehead on the wall, facing away from Damon.

‘I can’t do this. I’m going crazy.’ Stefan mumbled, wanted to punch a hole through the wall.

‘No you’re not, Stefan. I’m here and everything’s going to be okay. I promise you that.’ Stefan nodded and followed Damon to the sofa before he sat down and rested his head on Damon’s legs, immediately feeling slightly better.

‘I’m serious, Damon. I don’t think I can do this anymore, this life.’ His voice trembled as he met his brother’s eyes. They were stony and cold but Stefan could see the glint of pain that made him realise he had just said the wrong thing.

‘You’re not leaving me, brother, not again. I won’t let you.’ Stefan nodded and sighed.

‘I need help then.’ He made his way up but Damon pushed him back down.

‘That I can help with but for now, stay here. I don’t think it’s safe to go back yet.’ Damon knew it was safe enough already but he yearned to just have a few minutes silence with just him and his brother. They were fed up and unready to return to the human world.

In those few minutes, they could just be themselves, comfortable and they found themselves back to their childhood as they simply enjoyed each other’s company without the disturbance of another being.

It was nice, for once, to have silence. Stefan was afraid of silence and Damon didn’t enjoy it any more than in that moment, they were content. That was all they needed.

 

* * *

 

The room was fading away as Stefan’s head rested in Damon’s legs. Their eyes met and suddenly peace had fallen. It was becoming a common occurrence now that they would lose themselves in each other. They were hundreds of years old yet they had rarely felt this before.

This was the love of family blended in with the love of lust. It was a mix that was wrong but oh so much more powerful than one by itself. Damon and Stefan knew that, they could see it, they could feel it whenever one was even just in close proximity to the other.

When Stefan sat up, Damon felt a stone in his stomach as he was being weighed down. Stefan, though, now sitting upright, turned to Damon a small smirk on his face. ‘I don’t care anymore.’ He stated, his smile growing slightly wider- though he still looked minutely apprehensive.

‘Me neither.’ Damon smirked, staring down his brother. In a blink, their lips were against each other in a rough, passionate kiss. Stefan found himself below Damon, their lips parting for breath before colliding again.

The door was not locked and it was only by luck that no one walked in then. No one had walked in on the two brothers kissing, smiling too wide for this to be an accident. They had given in, if only just for a second.

When the pulled away, with no attempts to lean in again, they relaxed. They resumed their previous position, Stefan’s head on Damon’s lap, and wallowed in the overriding joy they were feeling. It wasn’t often that either felt joy so in the few moments they managed to grasp it, they tried to never let it go.

But, they were vampires, and everything had to be let go sooner or later. It was all but destroyed when Damon spoke. It wasn’t that the joy was sapped out, they simply had to go on with their lives now. They could go on with a smile on their face, at least, but they couldn’t stop time- they could stay like that forever.

‘Let’s get out of here.’ Damon smirked, brushing his raven hair from his face, revealing the icy blue eyes that Stefan loved so much. Stefan nodded and stood, helping Damon up with him. Their hands stayed clasp for another few seconds before they let go and approached the door.

‘Wait, Stefan!’ Damon hissed, coming to his brother. ‘Your hair is a mess.’ He laughed, as did Stefan, and began to run his fingers through Stefan’s hair again, although this time, he was fixing it rather than tousling it.

Stefan returned the favour and they walked out together, the tension minimal between them. They snuck through corridors, out of the way of the main ballroom, to avoid the detection of the two girls they were to ditch at the party.

They laughed gently when they caught sight of Elena dragging a drunk Caroline through the house and to a bathroom but they never made the effort to help. From the room they were in, they had a clear sight of the ballroom. Couples danced gleefully and both of them wished they could dance with each other but they knew that was not possible. They were two men, vampires, and brothers at that- they would be abandoned by society in a second if even a single man found out.

Stefan paused, nostalgia hitting him like a brick. Damon looked back to comfort him but was hit with the exact same scene.

_ The snow was falling outside and the Salvatore Mansion was crowded. Both of the brothers were human and would be for a few years more. Stefan had looked up at Damon and told him his fears. Damon simply comforted him and wrapped him in a warm hug, warmer than any fire that had been lit. _

_ That was what they did back then and it was accepted. They were the others rock and they relied on each other for everything. _

_ The two boys then made their way to the ballroom where couples danced gleefully and both of them wished they could dance too but they were too young. They simply sat at the edge of the room and watched as the people danced as if they were professionals- the ways everyone danced in those days. _

_ They glanced at each other and frowned, both standing up and leaving. They found themselves outside in the snow and they smiled, they were free if only for a few minutes. _

Stefan watched as the sun shined outside and brought himself out of his thoughts, Damon imitating him. They looked at each other and frowned, both straightening their backs and leaving. They soon found themselves outside, basking in the sunlight that was denied to so many vampires.

They were free if only for a while. They didn’t have responsibilities at the moment. All they had to do in that moment was to resist their primal urges, easy enough- until it came to each other. ‘Damon, I still feel it. I need blood.’ Stefan glanced around hopelessly but there were no animals near and he couldn’t risk being seen.

‘Get in the car.’ Damon ordered and Stefan complied, he was too panicked to object. They both got into the car quickly and Damon held his wrist out. ‘You won’t make it on the way home and I’d rather you bite me willingly rather than unwillingly.’ Stefan couldn’t argue with his logic. It was Stefan’s fault that he hadn’t fed in days.

Still, Stefan shook his head. He couldn’t ask Damon to do this. Not only would it be slightly painful but it was intimate for a vampire too. Damon glared viciously at his brother. ‘I said drink. Ignore the guilt, Stefan. There is nothing to be guilty about.’ Stefan nodded reluctantly and let his fangs extend before slowly piercing Damon’s skin.

Damon’s head rolled back as the ecstasy hit him and Stefan was hardly any better. Stefan found himself almost unable to stop as he drank the sweet blood of his brother but he pulled away with a slight effort at the point where a human would be dead.

‘God, brother. You took a lot. This may be my baby,’ he motioned to the car, ‘but you are going to have to drive.’ Stefan smirked, glad to see his brother was fine and ecstatic that he got to drive his brother’s precious car.

They looked at each other one last time and for the first time in a long time, rather than guilt, Stefan felt happiness.


	4. Chapter 4

**4.**

The Fight

 

The boarding house came into view and the car screeched to a halt. Stefan looked over to Damon to see him still delirious. Deciding it was for the best, he got out of the car and hauled a weak Damon into his arms. ‘You should have stopped me before I went this far.’ Stefan mumbled and although Damon could hear, he had too little energy to reply.

Stefan bashed open the door with his shoulder, they hadn’t locked it- they rarely did- and carried Damon inside before flinging him onto the sofa like throwing trash onto a heap. Stefan was too tired himself to have any grace. He followed by throwing himself on the sofa, bringing his brother’s head onto his lap.

‘Damon?’ He asked, a question to test whether he was awake or not. ‘Damon.’ He stated again, shaking his shoulders gently. Damon turned his head and groaned, his face now turned away from Stefan. ‘We need to talk, Damon!’ Stefan complained, bringing Damon’s face to his.

‘You always want to talk, brother.’ Damon groaned groggily.

‘I know, talking is a good way to know what someone else is thinking.’ Stefan looked down at his brother, moving the loose locks of hair from his face.

‘I know. But, brother, we haven’t been ourselves lately- everything’s changes. We’ve changed, our situation has changed and I don’t- I don’t know what to say anymore.’ Damon breathed, closing his eyes gently, shutting out the world around him. Stefan nodded in agreement, even though Damon couldn’t see him.

‘We’ve started new lives hundreds of times. What would be so bad about starting again now?’ Stefan asked, waiting for Damon to open his eyes. He didn’t, instead he spoke with his eyes shut and just pretended that this was someone else he was talking to- someone else that wouldn’t make him have to start over.

‘I don’t want to have to start again, Stefan. But, I don’t want to keep this a secret either.’ Damon was fed up, just as Stefan was. They both were thinking the exact same. Stefan didn’t care, though. He leant down and pressed his lips to Damon’s.

‘It’s too late to turn back now. I don’t want to and I won’t.’ Stefan mumbled against his lips before pulling away and resuming his old position. Damon, though, his eyes now open, had other ideas and roughly tugged Stefan’s collar bringing him back down to his level and attaching their lips in another kiss.

‘We still need to talk about Elena.’ Stefan pulled away, breathing heavily. Damon groaned and leant his head back so the tip of his hair brushed against the sofa.

‘No we don’t, Stefan.’ Damon growled, trying to scare his brother away- another defence mechanism that never seemed to work.

‘Yes, we do.’ His voice was emotionless and Damon could tell that he was trying to break Damon out of his shell as he always did when Stefan lacked emotion. Stefan’s time as a ripper had meant the balance had to change. Stefan had become evil, cruel whilst Damon became sincerer, kinder.

The two brothers were weighing scales that were always balanced and when one hit rock bottom, unfortunately, the other had to hit their high. They could never both be happy, it seemed that was impossible. They could feel content, balancing in the middle, but true elation wasn’t possible because that could only happen if the other hit chronic depression and when one of them was like that, the other would never be happy.

‘No, Stefan.’ Damon warned, urging his brother away but as usual, it didn’t work.

‘I want you two to split up. I’m going to admit that I hate seeing you together. This may be…this…but that doesn’t mean I want you cheating on her.’ Stefan explained, fiddling with Damon’s raven hair. Damon nodded in agreement. It was true, he had kissed Stefan whilst still being in a relationship with Elena. He had been cruel to her and only now did he realise it.

Damon’s face fell and Stefan could notice the sudden change in atmosphere. ‘It’s fine, Damon. Everything’s going wrong and we are just living life as it goes along, we won’t tell her- she won’t know about us.’ Damon nodded. Neither wanted to tell anyone about their relationship. The two boys were used to living in the shadows and if the shadows were the only thing that could accept their relationship, they were fine with that.

‘I’m going to break up with her. I tried before but I was too nervous.’ Damon looked timid and avoided Stefan’s gaze.

‘My brother nervous? I think you have the wrong person.’ Stefan chucked quietly as Damon let his lips quirk up into an awkward smile. ‘Thank you.’ Stefan whispered and brought Damon into a sitting position so Damon could rest his head upon his shoulder and Stefan could rest his head upon his. ‘I want you to do one more thing, though.’ Stefan said, gazing at the wall, lost in thought. Damon looked up at him, quirking an eyebrow.

‘What?’

‘Bite me.’ Stefan stated as if it was obvious. Damon recoiled, all contact lost.

‘Are you crazy?!’ Damon shouted.

‘I bit you and I want to return the favour. This isn’t me owing you anything. I just…I just want to try it.’ Stefan’s sentence trailed off and Damon understood. His little brother was curious.

‘Never been bitten before?’ Damon teased. Stefan shot him a glare, the nerves still clear on his face. ‘Fine.’ Damon breathed, inching closer to Stefan until they were in the same position as before. Damon brought Stefan’s wrist to his mouth and let his fangs extend. ‘Are you sure?’ Stefan nodded and without hesitation, Damon ripped through Stefan’s flesh.

It was bliss, for both of them, Stefan had never felt this way before except drinking out of others and he felt as if this was a healthier alternative. Although getting your blood drained wasn’t exactly good for your health- he was a vampire, none of that mattered anymore.

Damon stopped much earlier than Stefan leaving him giddy rather than faint. Their gazes met and they both smiled widely, both looking nervous to speak but happy that it had happened. ‘This is so weird.’ Stefan breathed, shaking his head.

‘That actually happened.’ Damon laughed quietly. Soon enough, they were both laughing, filling the silence with some much-needed joy. It seemed that in the last few hours they had been happier than they had been in a while.

Joy doesn’t last long, though and they knew that a secret couldn’t be held forever. It would just be a matter of when theirs came out.

 

* * *

Damon ruffled hair and fiddled with his sleeves whilst walking down the dusty streets of Mystic Falls. He felt suffocated in the silence only broken by broken down cars that rolled by exactly ever 4.35 minutes. He counted. He wanted anything to distract him so he counted. Counted the numbers of cars the zoomed past. Counted the number of streetlamps he had walked under. Counted the number of mistakes he had made. Counted the number of regrets he had. Counted the many reasons why he shouldn’t have done what he was doing.

He was going to break up with Elena. He was going to break Elena’s heart. And, he was scared. Not of that, he was scared because he didn’t care. He was scared that his soul had turned so black that he had lost all feeling. As he approached Elena’s house on foot, he found himself not caring at all. His body posture was nonchalant and his black hair had suddenly become raven, bringing a foreboding trail of mist behind him.

It was a power he often never used, the mist. He had used it once when he first me Elena. Now, he had no use for it. What he did know, now, was that he had no control of the mist and as he stalked onto the porch to ring the doorbell, the smoke surrounded him ominously.

He knocked, waiting by the door, leaning on one of the marble pillars holding up the roof. He chipped a section away and wallowed in how the stone cracked the wooden floor. He hadn’t felt this feeling in a long time. Freedom. He no longer cared what people thought of him. No one’s thoughts matter anymore- except, Stefan’s. Stefan’s opinion had always mattered. In fact, he was doing this for Stefan. Maybe that was why he didn’t feel so bad. He couldn’t blame himself when it was someone else that urged him on. Not that Stefan had urged him on, Damon did that all himself. He felt a failure after failing to break things off last time. Now, now was his time to be himself again.

He was dark, evil, mysterious. He was what he was supposed to be.

The door swung open and Elena stood there, rubbing her eyes tiredly. ‘Damon!’ She perked up, throwing her hand to her waist. ‘What are you doing here?’ She smiled and beckoned him inside but he did no such thing. He let one side of his lips quirk up and the mist thickened. Elena gulped timidly and looked downwards.

‘You’re not Damon.’ Damon laughed deafeningly, his arms folded tight yet he looked so relaxed. He looked lazy, lethargic yet if someone were to ask for a fight, he would knock themselves out in seconds. That was the danger of Damon, that was what made people fear him.

‘Well of course I’m Damon, Elena. I’m just not the one you want.’ Damon pouted, a sly smile then returning to his face. Elena looked appalled.

‘You’re drunk. Go home and come back tomorrow.’ She scowled, now annoyed, no hint of her previous ecstasy.

‘I will do no such thing. I will, in fact, go home. But, I will not be coming back tomorrow. Or any other time, really. Goodbye, Elena. This is the end.’ He said it so bluntly, so uncaringly that Elena thought she would faint- Damon did too.

‘No, you love me! You can’t just leave me like that.’ She sounded like, what Damon would describe as, a raucous swine: desperate and pleading. She thought that their love would be eternal. That eternal love lasted no longer than a week or two, maybe less. Damon never cared for her, only Elena cared in this relationship. Damon had a soft side but he had never shown it to Elena. He had shown her his kind, his constant façade that had held up his reputation throughout the 1800s.

‘Yes, I can, Elena.’ He went to walk away but a hand was clutched tightly around his arm.

‘No, you won’t. I broke your brother’s heart to be with you. I will not have that be for no reason.’ Damon laughed once again, this more menacing than the last.

‘Selfish as always. I’m sure my brother’s better off without you’  _ he’s better off with me _ . Elena’s mouth hung open as she glowered at the man standing at her door. This was not Damon, this was a doppelganger, a glamour or anything of the sort. She just couldn’t believe this was Damon.

‘You want me to prove it? That it’s me.’ He asked, practically reading her mind. ‘I went out with Caroline for her blood. Or, no, something better- I tried to kill you in the graveyard to get back at my brother.’ Damon smiled wickedly before turning on his heel to leave. Elena made no move to stop him. She huddled in the doorway, bringing her knees to her chest and cried. She cried more than she ever had, even with Stefan. Damon had just broken her. Her fragile heart was in pieces and as he left, never to return, she realised she never wanted to love again.

In that moment, Caroline came running down on the stairs to see what the commotion was about but only found Elena sobbing at the door. She hushed her and cradled her in her arms, whispering reassurances in her ear even though she wasn’t clear on what had caused this.

‘Caroline, you know what we talked about. That thing that I was going to do for Damon. I want to do it. Not for Damon, for me.’ Caroline smiled widely and hugged Elena.

‘That was what I was waiting to hear. No matter how much I think this is a bad idea if you are doing it for yourself, I’ll accept.’ Caroline was all too gullible and Elena wanted to laugh. Tonight would be the night. She would finally gain her freedom and she would plot her revenge for her shattered heart. She wanted to be strong but she had given so much to him and she couldn’t find it within herself to stop caring. But, this…this would stop her from caring.

She would make Caroline turn her, even if it meant living an eternity in pain. Her judgment was clouded- she no longer cared. She needed strength and this was the way to get it.

 

* * *

Elena was prepared to kill. Her fangs extended and she smiled wickedly. Revenge had already ruined her. She stalked the streets, latching onto drunk men or groups of giggling women. Anything that caused her senses to switch, anything that was too loud, anything that smelt too strongly, anything that tasted good. And it seemed that, with her vampire senses, everything tasted good. Apart from real food, of course.

She could only smell one thing- blood. And, blood meant revenge. Blood meant that Damon would be mad. Blood meant that Damon would have to fix this. Blood would mean Damon would return to her. Ha, it was funny that she actually believed that. She believed a murder would draw them closer not further apart.

Elena didn’t know she was a madman, not many do. But, she knew something was off. The human side within herself was begging her to stop, just as it did as she turned and ran from the spot where Caroline watched her come alive once more.

Elena didn’t care about the human voice; she cared about herself. She was hungry and she was prepared to satisfy that hunger by any means possible. Even if it meant killing a few innocent bystanders. Just like the one behind her.

She smiled mischievously and turned around, pouting to show off her wide, doe-brown eyes. The man behind her, who was intoxicated, to say the least, smiled and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. ‘What’s wrong, missy?’ He slurred, smiling at his ‘catch’ for the night.

Elena wasn’t a ‘catch’ though. She wasn’t the prey, it was him. He only realised that as her fangs jabbed into his flesh, draining him of his life source, giving it over to her. He dropped dead, curled in an alleyway near the Grill and Elena continued on. She wanted more- she needed more.

 

* * *

‘Stefan!’ Damon cheered gleefully. ‘Elena and I are: D.O.N.E, done.’ He skipped around like the embodiment of trickery itself and gave Stefan a sinful smile.

‘What have you done?’ Stefan eyed his brother carefully, following him around the room until they were both at a standstill, their eyes meeting, analysing the other.

‘Are you not happy? Elena and I are over?’ Damon wanted to shout, cheer but all he could do was let out a restrained laugh.

‘Happy? Yes. Fearful? Also, yes. What have you done to Elena?’ Stefan asked. He could sense Damon’s mood and it only meant bad things. Elena would have had her heart broken if Damon was in this mood when he had arrived at her house. And, in fact, he had.

‘Elena’s just got an incy-wincy fracture in her heart. She was crying quite a lot.’ Damon explained cheerfully as he were Satan himself. Damon had these times. Times were he felt he was free but he was only more bound as each and every law stopped him doing what he wanted to do most.

Damon wanted blood- needed blood. Blood would return him to his right mind or so Stefan hoped. Stefan knew his brother well but over the vampire years, he had avoided his brother as much as possible meaning that he knew little of his brother’s vampire instincts.

‘We don't have blood in the house. It seems you didn't decide to actually stock any.’ Stefan sighed, rubbing his temples trying to calm himself down before unfurling his arm and revealing his wrist. Damon glared at him. ‘No! I am not doing this again!’ Damon argued, folding his arm like a child. His fangs extended at the thought of blood but he kept his mouth closed to hide it from Stefan’s prying eyes.

‘Yes, you are. I will not have you murdering this town.’ Damon nodded defeatedly and walked, slowly and calmly, to Stefan’s outstretched arm. He brought his lips to Stefan’s wrist and opened his mouth, his fangs glistening in the dim lighting. ‘Just do it.’ Stefan ordered as Damon hovered hesitantly over his arm.

Damon complied, ripping through his flesh. Stefan winced but didn't make any sound. Then, Damon began to drain him dry.

They had restraint last time but now, Damon was hungry and he wasn't stopping. Stefan made no attempt at pulling away, wallowing in the feeling of Damon’s lips on his wrist meaning that both had no idea what was really happening. Not until Stefan’s arm began to cremate.

‘Sh*t!’ Damon shouted, pulling away and slamming himself against the wall to make sure he took no more. Stefan fell to his knees, alone, Damon unable to help.

Stefan groaned and clutched his head, the injury on his wrist healing quickly. ‘It's fine Damon. You can come back.’ Stefan spoke calmly, gently and Damon couldn't understand how Stefan could be so uncaring around him as if he didn't care if he was bitten again. Yet, Damon knew what Stefan felt inside- that raging self-hatred that had often caused him to come close to death. It seemed just to be another one of those times.

Damon walked on shaky legs and brought his brother to his feet again before the both sped towards the sofa and collapsed onto it.

‘We really need to stop doing that.’ Stefan breathed, breaking a sweat. He was using the little energy he had left to heal and it left him panting. His temperature had skyrocketed but with his enhanced immune system, it would only be an hour or so until he returned to normal.

‘Are you sure you are okay?’ Damon asked, scanning Stefan for any major defects. Stefan nodded numbly and shut his eyes, leaning back.

‘I'm fine. Everything is fine.’ Stefan murmured, sleep overcoming him. Damon chuckled and smiling.

‘I know it is brother, I know. Although, I'm not sure if I actually believe it.’ Damon sighed and leant his head on his brother’s shoulder, falling asleep along with him.

It was peaceful, just as they wanted it to be. They would wake up and the chaos would begin but no chaos came without peace and they were just using it up.

 

* * *

As predicted chaos ensued when the entered the parlour of their house. There was a collection of Elena’s friends, panicked looks on all of their faces. Alaric, Tyler, Bonnie, Caroline and Jeremy were there- each one more panicked than the last.

‘What’s happening?’ Stefan asked, sounding just as panicked as they were. Damon, on the other hand, simply folded his arms and smirked as he watched it play out- earning him a scowl from all of them but Alaric.

‘It’s Elena. She’s not doing so well.’ Damon scoffed at Caroline’s panicked words.

‘Explain.’ Stefan stated, curious as to what worried them so much.

‘Ikindofturnedherintoavampire.’ Caroline mumbled, her words becoming one. Stefan took a step back, his eyes widening.

‘No, you didn’t. Caroline! What the hell did you do!’ Oh, Stefan was pissed now. His eyes were aflame and his body was rigid. This wasn’t the time to let Caroline’s mistakes go, this was a life or death decision that she let Elena make without any thought. Caroline had just destroyed someone’s life- forever.

‘I’m sorry.’ She spoke to the ground, her voice barely above a whisper. Stefan growled but was pushed away by Damon, a smile still plastered on his face.

‘Let me guess, little-Elena has gone off on a bloodthirsty hunt because she’s upset.’ Damon frowned, his expression as fake as his words. He didn’t care. ‘Boo-hoo.’ He added for unneeded dramatic effect.

‘Damon, this is serious.’ Stefan glared and to everyone’s surprise, Damon sighed and his expression turned relaxed.

‘What do you want to do about it, brother.’ Damon raised an eyebrow, his arms crossed once again. In no way was he now the Damon others believed he was but this was far less aggressive than the last. It would do, for now.

‘Lock her up. I’ll resort her to my diet for now. You,’ he pointed vindictively at his brother ‘need to apologise. At least try to be sincere, we need to drive her to us.’ Damon scoffed once more but nodded and Stefan sighed in relief. The other’s watched the encounter with curious eyes but didn’t say a word, their plan as flawless as the possible in the situation. It was either have Damon speak to her or drag her back screaming and thrashing. Either would do but the first would be a lot less messy.

‘Where is she now?’ Damon asked, uncaringly and bored. Stefan rolled his eyes but looked over to the others from the stairwell where they stood.

‘She was last spotted near the Grill.’ Alaric stated, calm and collected. He seemed to be the only one left in his right mind.

‘Well, that’s me then. I’ll come back with her soon. Au revoir!’ Damon spoke sarcastically, earning him a glare once more. Not that he cared until he spotted Stefan. Even then, he simply shrugged at his brother and left before anyone could hold him back. He would much rather be allowed to stay in this town rather than being forced out, again. A loose vampire was a threat to his life so he would eliminate it- even if it was Elena.

Damon did find Elena, rather quickly I may add, just as she finished off the man- her teeth in his neck. ‘Hello, Elena.’ He smirked as she flung her head in his direction, her hair flying behind her. She was beautiful, actually. Vampirism was good for her- just as it was for everyone. Well, at least in Damon’s opinion.

‘Leave.’ She gritted her teeth, before baring her fangs as Damon didn’t even flinch. He laughed haughtily and still didn’t move.

‘Oh, Elena. You know I’m much stronger than you.’ He rammed her into the wall of the alley he had found her in and smiled wickedly. ‘I was told to come and say sorry but I think this is much more fun.’ He winked and snapped her neck almost instantaneously. No matter how much he would like to vent his troubles, he didn’t have the time to play with Elena. He had to get her back to Stefan.

‘You were quick.’ Bonnie spoke, scowling, as Damon walked in- Elena strewn over his shoulder.

‘Yeah, the apologising thing didn’t go to plan so I just knocked her out for a bit. Let’s just get her in the dungeon.’ He gave one of his charming smiles yet it fooled no one.

‘Damon! You clearly didn’t even try!’ Caroline flung her arms up, gesturing to the unconscious girl with clear bruising on her neck. It seemed that newer vampires didn’t heal as quickly- or maybe the injuries were just that much worse.

‘I mean, maybe I didn’t. But, the jobs done. It’s fine.’ He shrugged and began to walk into the dungeon where Stefan awaited him.

‘Damon!’ Stefan lectured as he threw Elena into the cell. ‘What the hell did you do!’ Damon laughed, he seemed to do that a lot.

‘I got her here. That’s all the matters brother.’ Damon smirked, backing Stefan into a corner.

‘Not now Damon.’ He shook his head as Damon leant in.

‘Why not?’ His brother smirked, leaning in once again, Stefan letting their lips touch.

‘Their are others here.’ Stefan complained, pulling away. Damon laughed, again. He didn’t care. He would be happy if they saw, that meant they could only leave here sooner. Despite Damon not wanting to be run out of the town, he would be glad to leave it- as long as it was by his own choice.

‘And you care because…?’ Stefan had no answer as Damon’s lips were brought to his again. Stefan couldn’t stop but think about what they were. They were brothers yet they had also become lovers. No, they weren’t brothers. Stefan knew that, Damon too. They were brothers by paper but you could see, even in their looks, that they weren’t real brothers.

Damon had been adopted at age five, Stefan remembered the day, despite being much younger than five at the time. He had said the second Damon was brought to the family that he would be their brother. Damon was, in fact, the son of another aristocrat of their town who died of the plague. It was unknown that he had a son; he hadn’t revealed the information for the sake of protection.

So, when Damon joined the family, he was thought to have been there all along. At the time, not many knew of Stefan either. It was often waited until they were older to be told that the family had sons. A birth would usually be announced but not always.

It had gone through properly and despite his father often being cruel to Damon, he still thought of him as his own son. That was just how his family was. Stefan had promised to Damon that they would be brothers, that they would be as close as any brothers by blood. They would be at each other’s side for eternity. And, later on, they realised eternity would be a long time.

So, as Stefan kissed Damon, he began to feel less guilty. ‘I’m breaking my promise to you. You aren’t my brother anymore. We can’t be like that. They can think we are but deep down, you were never my brother. You were...this.’ Stefan brought his lips to Damon, smiling.

He had called him brother because of a childish promise but now, neither cared for that promise that was made so many years ago. They were more than brothers now. They were closer than any brothers could be. But, the others still believed they were brothers and that was the problem.

Especially when Caroline walked down the stairs. Damon’s lips had just met Stefan’s in another hungry kiss, only to be interrupted by a high pitch squeal. ‘No way. No way. No way.’ She continued to repeat the phrase as the two brother’s looked over at her. Within seconds, they burst out laughing. Oh, how trivial their life was.

They left Caroline, who was now somewhat paralysed, to look after Elena before dismissing the rest of the group- telling them to either leave or join Caroline. With that, they were alone and everything had seemed to click into place.


	5. Chapter 5

**5.**

The Departure

 

The next day, Stefan and Damon joined the rest of the group once more. They had conversations spanning the majority of the night and they had both agreed on what was best. They had to leave Mystic Falls. For them, for the other’s, for their relationship.

The only thing restraining them were the people who believed them to be brothers, the majority of the people in this town. They weren’t brothers, not anymore, they had agreed on that too. That promise that declared them brother’s for life had been broken with neither having blood on their hands.

A promise that bound them together had only brought them apart.

Now, with firm reassurances and a trembling fear, they faced the group. The fear, though somewhat irrational, was for good reason. Stefan and Elena were close, despite their recent breakup, and even more so was how much Elena loved Damon. Elena loved them both and them leaving, well, would only cause an unneeded shedding of tears.

‘Why are we here?’ Alaric sighed, leaning against the doorframe, looking ready to leave in an instant.

‘We have something to tell you.’ Stefan stated, a tone so hateful towards himself that Damon was tempted to drag him from the room and do it himself. But, as speeches went, Stefan was much better than Damon in the state they were in now. Damon only fought when he had to fight. He only had to tell the news when the news was important enough to tell. Now, he felt no need to tell them and would only break their hearts with his blunt, stone-cold heart.

Stefan needed to do this, no matter how much he didn’t want to. ‘So, tell us.’ Alaric complained, peeking out the door, examining the sun in the sky, trying to determine the time.

‘Bonnie still isn’t here.’ Damon sighed; he wished that Bonnie would show up sooner or else the whole theme of telling ‘everyone’ would come out a failure.

When Bonnie did turn up, another twenty minutes had passed. She came in running, panting like a rabid dog. ‘Sorry, guys. I forgot.’ She began to catch her breath as she flung herself on the sofa to try and calm her aching muscles.

‘You forgot?’ Damon sneered. ‘Great excuse, Bon Bon.’

‘I told you not to call me that.’ She growled breathlessly.

‘And I didn’t listen!’ He smiled, throwing his arms in the air and directing his attention towards Stefan. ‘Can we get on with this now?’ Stefan nodded reluctantly and faced the group, readying himself.

‘We’re leaving.’ Stefan found there was nothing else he could say. The statement was truthful and simple, no more had to be said.

‘No!’ Caroline was the first to speak up, flinging herself off the sofa. ‘You’re not.’ She ordered, her abrasive attitude coming forward.

‘Well, technically, we are.’ Damon sneered, folding his arms and eyeing the girl up and down, disdainfully I may add.

‘Damon’s right. We can’t stay here any longer, we have to leave.’ Stefan sighed, trying to explain in any form that didn’t involve the words ‘relationship’ or ‘escape’. The other’s simply gawked at the two. They were leaving? It seemed impossible. They had been the beginning of this adventure and yet they were leaving halfway through. This was too abrupt. The boys couldn’t simply just leave. But, the fact still stood, they could. Whatever preconceptions the others had about the ‘brothers’ were still there and the boys no longer wanted that on their shoulders.

They had restarted their lives so many times. This was just once more.

‘What about my sister?’ Jeremy took a step forward, coming closer to the two of them than any of the others.

‘What about her?’ Damon let out a humourless laugh and grimaced at the young boy.

‘She won’t just let you leave.’ Jeremy gritted his teeth and took a step backwards, the brothers took a step back.

‘And who is she to stop us?’ Damon retorted, leaning forward just slightly. Jeremy took another step, his face just inches away from Damon’s.

‘You’ve broken her heart enough, do you have no remorse.’ He shook his head in disbelief but took no step back. This was a matter of wills, this could change everything. But, of course, it didn’t. Stefan and Damon had thought through this enough, they weren’t turning back.

‘We do.’ Stefan intervened, pushing his brother back as if not to anger Jeremy anymore. ‘She is one of the reasons we are leaving, Jeremy. We can’t break her anymore. She deserved a normal life. You all ruined that so it is your price to pay.’ Stefan spoke calmly yet so intensely that it sent the others reeling backwards.

‘At least say goodbye. She loves you both, you can’t just leave so suddenly.’ Bonnie spoke from behind Jeremy, her eyes wide and pleading. No matter how angry any of them were at both Damon and Stefan, the two deserved a goodbye with Elena just as much as Elena did.

‘Fine, let her out, see how well that goes.’ Damon remarked sarcastically. But, it seemed, the others found truth in his words.

‘We will. You can’t leave without a goodbye.’ Caroline looked determined, no matter how idiotic her plan was.

‘You really are crazy, Blondie.’ Damon looked at her as if she was mad. Elena was in no state of mind to be let out of her cell. If she was let out, chaos would ensue. Damon shot a glance at Stefan who looked just as nervous as him.

‘Don’t. Stefan warned, taking a step towards him but Alaric, who had lost his position at the door, placed a firm hand on his chest and held him back.

‘It will be fine.’ He reassured but Stefan looked down, irritated and confused.

‘How can you believe that, Alaric? She just went and killed tens of people because Damon left her. Does that not show what state of mind she is in?’ Stefan panicked as Alaric smiled.

‘Have trust in her. She’ll fight the bloodlust.’ Stefan stared at him wide-eyed, looking over to Damon who was trying to move.

‘Why. Can’t. I. Move.’ Damon gritted his teeth and sent a sharp glare at Bonnie.

‘I won’t let you leave without saying goodbye.’ Bonnie stated, looking as fierce as Caroline.

‘You’re crazy.’ Damon flung his arms in the air, the restraints creating a circle around him, like a box, rather than freezing his joints. ‘You’re all crazy. What the hell makes you think this is going to work.’ Stefan and Damon’s eyes met, just as confused as each other. They had to have a spell on them.

‘We have faith in her.’ So, they didn’t have a spell on them. They simply had hope, the fools. It seemed like madness that they would go to such extremes to give this girl goodbye but they had seen how much she loved them and they knew that she would kill even more if they simply left- vanished from the world’s surface.

They had to give her this. And, oh how wrong they were.

 

* * *

 

Stefan and Damon waited; the others let them be but kept guard at the entrance. They didn’t trust the two not to run. They waited and waited- nobody came. It was silent apart from the two’s breaths, loud and panicked. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen. They were supposed to run and this would all be over with.

Instead, they were waiting for a girl who wanted to murder them. The clock ticked noisily in the background as the two finally sat down waiting for the girl to come. What was taking so long? Suddenly, footsteps were heard and all fell silent again. They both stood and walked a few steps forward as the girl entered the room.

‘Elena!’ Damon cheered as she entered the room, her hair ragged and her fangs extended. She looked disastrous. It was clear that she would, she had been locked in a dungeon after all. That didn’t stop either of them from being in shock of her terrible appearance. Elena was always so put together, so neat. They almost felt bad for inflicting this upon her. Almost. ‘How lovely of you to finally join us.’ Damon sneered, taunting her.

‘Damon, don’t.’ But, it was too late. Stefan had warned him after it was time for him to stop. Elena was fuming, raging and within seconds, she was leaping upon Damon, scratching him in the eye. Damon winced at the pain as he nails attacked the skin on his face, missing his eye each time.

He healed just as quickly as she inflicted the pain but it wouldn’t stop. Stefan couldn’t move, he was paralysed, shocked, useless. ‘This is all your fault.’ She spat, her face nearing his. ‘You ruined my life. You ruined everything! And then you have the audacity to go and lock me up you good for nothing-’ Stefan had finally moved, he was behind Elena now.

‘Elena stop.’ He ordered and that she did, for a second or so. Then, at her new found speed, she turned to Stefan.

‘Why, Stefan? Why should I stop?’ She pleaded, her eyes wide and her emotions scattered. She didn’t know what to feel. The vampirism was altering her mindset. She hadn’t adjusted yet. She hadn’t adjusted to the heightened senses, the heightened emotions, the speed, the bloodlust that ached in her throat. ‘You’re leaving, aren’t you? Isn’t this the perfect time to show you how I feel!’ She yelled, pushing him backwards but he didn’t budge, despite the power behind it.

‘No. Just because we’re leaving doesn’t mean you’ll never see us again, Elena. Now is not the time to say goodbye. Leave with your friends and we’ll come back one day to say goodbye.’ Lies. Stefan knew it was a lie- Elena did too. They weren’t coming back after this. This was her last chance.

‘I love you.’ She whispered, her voice no louder than a whisper.

‘No. You don’t.’ Damon stood up. ‘If you loved us, you wouldn’t have hurt me- no matter how angry you are.’ Damon spoke the truth. If Elena truly loved them, she wouldn’t be able to hurt them. She would be heartbroken, not mad. ‘Nor would you have left one of us for the other.’ Damon continued. ‘If you really loved us, you would have let us be. You would break one of us not both of us.’

Elena’s eyes widened as she stared at both of them. ‘You don’t believe I love you?’ She managed, her voice shaking.

‘I believe you don’t know what love is.’ Damon stated, sighing, watching as Elena’s eyebrows furrowed as she grimaced.

‘I know what it is! I’ve felt it!’ She shouted, taking a step forward.

‘I thought that too. Love is more powerful than you could ever know, though. Most humans don’t feel it in their lifetime. Love is more powerful than anything you have ever felt.’ Damon smiled, taking a glance at his brother, smiling just slightly before drawing his eyes back to Elena who was looking between them curiously. She said nothing, though. She had nothing to say.

‘No. I know what I feel, you can’t tell me.’ She spat, bringing her face to Damon’s.

‘No, you don’t. He sighed and pulled away, grabbing Stefan’s arm. ‘We’re leaving.’ He stated and began walking, Stefan having to pace to keep up with him.

‘No, you’re not.’ Elena was desperate now, standing in front of the two men with her arms crossed and her nose stuck in the air as if she was a princess. ‘I won’t let you.’

‘Elena, this isn’t you. Leave it alone. You’re a nice girl, desperation won’t work. We both loved you as a friend, remember that.’ Stefan spoke shyly, his tone differing to that of Damon’s rude and abrasive one.

‘No, I won’t. I can’t.’ She pleaded but neither of them cared. They wanted to leave. Elena would move on. She had an eternity now. Not many people stayed mad for eternity.

‘Yes, you can, Elena.’ She nodded defeatedly, Stefan now leading Damon out. They passed Alaric on the way out who asked if they were alright, they nodded and told him to comfort the shaking girl inside. They forgot he was human. They forgot she was a vampire. But, there was no going back now. What was left was for the others to fix. The terror that would ensure was now left for them to deal with.

They had left them weaker and had left themselves only much stronger.

They had left on better terms than expected, though. Yet, those terms weren’t good at all. ‘Where to now?’ Stefan asked Damon as he got into the passenger seat of Damon’s convertible. Damon shrugged. ‘I was thinking Europe. England, maybe.’ Stefan hummed in agreement as Damon switched the engine on and began to drive.

‘This is actually happening.’ Stefan muttered.

‘You said.’ Damon smiled, looking over to his brother.

‘I know.’ Stefan smiled in return and they continued to drive away. They were starting a new life and this was the beginning of it.

 

* * *

They had been on the road for hours, they were halfway across America by now. Neither had the need to sleep so they just kept on driving. With no specific place to go, they finally pulled up at a motel on the highway and booked in.

It was peaceful, quiet and it almost felt as if they were the only customers there- maybe they were. ‘We did it. We actually did. We left.’ Stefan muttered in disbelief, staring at the ceiling from their double bed. That was a funny look they got when they asked for one.

Even when they weren’t brothers, that didn’t mean that they weren’t both men. But, they were also vampires. For vampires, it didn’t matter what gender you liked. You were immortal, after all, preferences change.

‘I know we did, Stefan. See?’ He pointed out of the window, laughing softly- a laugh he reserved for Stefan and Stefan alone.

‘You can be so annoying.’ Stefan hit his brother on his arm, gently enough for it to not hurt but hard enough for him to notice.

‘Hey!’ He called out, laughing harder. ‘I think that is, in fact, called being rude.’ Damon laughed harder the more Stefan scowled at his sly older partner. Stefan sighed and let his face relax as he stared back up at the ceiling.

‘What are we now?’ Stefan asked, rolling over to bury his head on Damon’s chest.

‘Boyfriends, I guess.’ Damon paused for a second, scrunching up his eyebrows. ‘No..let me rephrase that.’ Damon rolled over so he was on top of Stefan, looking down at him, their eyes locking.

‘Stefan Salvatore, will you be my boyfriend?’ They chuckled slightly at the cheesiness of it but nonetheless, Stefan nodded. They both smiled gleefully as if they were both children and leaned in, their lips locking in a passionate kiss.

‘I love you.’ Damon spoke gently, pulling away. Their eyes locked once again and with his whole heart, Stefan replied. ‘I love you too.’


End file.
